I’ve failed to “never again place a large Mountain Joe’s order” several times. I nearly succumbed over Christmas, and now, in the new year, they’re offering a buy one get one free on pretty much anything in their range.
It’s not just that Mountain Joe’s are price competitive and clever with their special offers; they have delicious protein products and a diverse range, including two types of protein rice cake, which were my gateway product for the brand.
So, what’s the problem?
I can and have eaten an entire box of 12 protein rice cake packs in one day. There are two rice cakes in each pack. I think “Moreish” is a pejorative when it comes to food. That would mean 3,528 calories and 120g of protein (and 52g of sugar).
A guy my age, height and weight should aim for about 120g of protein but not at 3,528 calories. That protein target is not my medicial advice to you; that’s what I’ve been told is probably appropriate to my own situation.
So, why was I looking at Mountain Joe’s or any protein bar in the first place? Simply put, there are plenty of reasons to see protein bars as better alternatives to chocolate snacks, so we wheel back to Mountain Joe’s having excellent customer service, a delicious range and being really price competitive.
I’ve made an extensive analysis of protein bars. At the time of writing, Mountain Joe’s Raspberry Ripple Protein Bars come in at 34th of 67 on the “protein per 100 calories” chart, 41st on the “sugar per 100 calories” and 36th on “carbs per 100 calories”. So that’s a bar without any weakness, never in the bottom tier, but at the same time, not breaking into the top twenty either. My charts, though, don’t measure taste or cost.
Mountain Joe’s protein flapjack
My favourites in this range are the caramel fudge protein flapjacks, and I think I’ve tried them all. Yes, ‘think’ because I sometimes lose track of the details in the whirlwind delight and guilt of another ‘accidental’ bulk order.
I do like them! However, I’m starting with the weakest first of the whole Mountain Joe’s range as these bars can be a little too crumbly at times (I’d go with Gooy) and can seem a bit sugary in texture. These are minor demerits, though, because I’d happily eat a box of these protein snacks, too.
Mountain Joe’s protein bars
These are the Mountain Joe’s range stalwarts, and I’m surprised I’ve never seen them in a high street shop. I know it’s a competitive marketplace, but these bars stand up well, often beating the market leaders.
It’s hard to pick a favourite, but I think a death match between the chocolate honeycomb and the chocolate explosion would be appropriate.
I recommend getting the mixed box so you won’t get too used to your favourite. Alternatively, if you’re new to Mountain Joe’s, the assorted box will help determine your favourite bar.
A typical bar is around 55g, has 17g of protein and has 218 calories, which gives it better macros than the rice cakes.
It’s the texture, as well as the taste, that makes the Mountain Joe’s protein bars so scrumptious. The brand finds that sweet spot between a soft bar and a tougher one; the result is satisfying to bite into.
Mountain Joe’s protein millionaires
I don’t know if “Shortbread” has been dropped from the name “Millionaire shortbread” because it’s redundant or because there is some food marketing rule that determines what gets to be called shortbread. I do know that I like this range!
Mountain Joe’s millionaire range, I think, fits in between the protein bars and flapjacks. That’s true for the macros and texture, as this range mixes crunch and chew. As per a typical millionaire shortbread/shortcake, the base is far crunchier than the sticky topping.
Mountain Joe’s protein brownies
I’m least experienced with the protein bars, and it’s only now that I’ve sat down to write this review that I’ve realised that. I think that’s because for 276 calories, you get 11g protein (based on the chocolate peanut), and so if you like the whole range as much as I’d do, you would go for the protein bar instead.
The brownies are softer and slightly larger, and they feel different. I could imagine having a snack of protein brownies on a plate for visiting macro-aware guests, but not protein bars.
Mountain Joe’s protein cakes
There’s a carrot cake box, which is delicious, and a birthday cake one too. Both cakes are 60g bars rather than slices or mini cakes, which are absolutely divine. The birthday cake is covered in sprinkles and looks charming, unlike a protein range.
My guess is that for people like me who are at risk for wolfing down snacks that make it into the kitchen cupboards, these two cake options are both high risk. Each bite of one of these two goodies always seems to demand you take one more, and if that means ripping open a plastic wrapper, so be it!
Mountain Joe’s protein rice cakes
I’m saving my favourite for last because these rice cakes must be tried to be fully understood spiritually and emotionally.
A not-too-thin layer of chocolate (with the protein) is on top of a good-sized rice cake. Perhaps it’s the speed at which I devour these tributes to my hunger because I still have one with the stale, tacky crunch that some old rice cakes sometimes get if you abandon them at the back of the shelf for a while.
Surprisingly, I don’t see much in the way of competitors copying Mountain Joe’s here, and there’s a legion of competitors. In fact, few brands match MJ’s range of options and I think that speaks volumes for how pioneering this maker is.
Overall
I’m a fan. I recommend Mountain Joe’s even as I resist making another order. I don’t think the two are inconsistent!
Do you buy protein bars and similar products? You should check out Mountain Joe’s.
If my situation sounds more like yours, then I’ll share when I buy again (not counting a willpower fail);
- For en-route snacks in the 2024 Kilt Walk.
- For pack lunches for all-day (work) conventions.
- Pack lunches for Scotland Loves Anime and other festivals with too short gaps between events to stop and eat.
I think there’s a pattern there; when a pocked-sized snack is a sensible option, something tasty and protein-high like a Mountain Joe’s bar is a good option.
A review of Mountain Joe’s
Summary
Mountain Joe’s is an excellent protein snack brand with an impressively broad range and value for money. Protein bars, flapjacks, brownies, cakes and rice cakes can be bought one at a time or by the box. Each one is a hit.
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