Review: The Boozy Cow, a burger bar in the city centre

I walked past The Boozy Cow at least twice a week, every week, for ages (years), thinking, “That looks nice, I must go in”. Eventually, last year, I did.

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Last year, Girdy popped into Edinburgh’s The Boozy Cow for meat and potatoes – and came back the very next week to try the burger challenge. Looking for a rock themed underground bunker of food and music delight? Crawl into a cow.

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The following week, I went straight back and tackled their eating challenge. I had either 20 or 30 minutes (sorry, who takes notes during a burger fest?) to wolf down a 6 x 4oz beef burger with cheese, bacon, two deep-fried onion rings, two halloumi strips, lettuce, tomato, Jack Daniels honey glaze, melting cheese and a deluxe shake.

Winners get a T-shirt and their photo on the wall. It costs £30, and that’s excellent value.

Previously, I’d done with their chilli dog of OG bratwurst and loaded fries.

I was invited to conclude the night with a free game of Pass the Pigs for both of my visits. It’s like throwing dice, except with pigs, and if they land in unlikely but possible positions, your meal (or some of it) is free. I failed that but smashed Boozy’s Burger Challenge.

The Boozy Cow’s food

There are some plant-based burger options, and the sharin’ nachos can be veggie but the rest of the menu is a meat feast.

Everything I’ve eaten in The Boozy Cow has been delicious, but this combo of loud music and fleshy calories is right up my street! I swear, for much of the week I’m a flexitarian, I can go days without meat but when I find myself in a burger bunker like this, then I chew straight in. The Boozy Cow gives as good as I take.

Fine dining it is not, nor is The Boozy Cow fancy-pantsy posh and once again that suits me. The meals here will not be described as either original or clever, nor will they impress people who go to restaurants where the waitpersons look down their noses at you. I love it. A Boozy Cow Cheeseburger is less than a tenner; it’s cheaper than an American fast food burger place and so much better.

If I manage not to try Boozy’s Burger Challenge on my next trip then it might be the £15 Sunday Roast Burger, which is topped by a Yorkshire Pudding, next, or perhaps a mix of pulled brisket and buttermilk fried chicken dip ‘n dunk sliders, with boom boom sauce and crispy onions.

Look, I said the food here wasn’t original nor clever, but I didn’t say it wasn’t imaginative and on the nose. You can, for example, get a heatwave chicken which is a buttermilk marinate coated in Dorito’s Chilli Heatwave crumbs, with cheese, tomato, lettuce, Heatwave crisps and if that’s not hot enough for you, salsa + sriracha mayo.

The Boozy Cow’s vibe

The Boozy Cow is my style and I think this place is more hard rock than the Hard Rock. Staff are friendly, albeit busy, and switched on. Anyone who can spend the night explaining the rules of Pass the Pig and reassuring people tipsy on exotic milkshakes that there are no hidden catches are front-of-house staff you want in your restaurant.

Accessibility isn’t great. There are stairs down, and then there is the chance you’ll end up on a stool. I’ve walked with a stick for years, would have struggled in the past but now was able to get inside without bother.

One niggle is seating. If you’re not met as you walk into the bar area, and the chances are you won’t be, it’s not too clear whether you need to lurk with more emphasis or seat yourself. Both run the risk of leaving you lost in the system and I’ve had to flag down staff for either a seat or to confirm my choice. That said, it’s a mini maze of a burger bunker so if you don’t see a seat at first, don’t despair.

There are no half-measures on whether The Boozy Cow is a date venue. It’ll make or break the night and I think it’s worth the risk.

Things do in the town centre

Take your pick!

The Boozy Cow is on Frederick’s Street and so tourist attractions nearby include the Scott Monument, the Castle and, if you’re hardcore, The Scotch Malt Whisky Society.

There are two cinemas and two theatres within walking distance, from Vue to the Everyman, and the Edinburgh Playhouse with The Usher Hall a bit further away.

The Boozy Cow is also near Edinburgh’s Waverley train station which, I think, makes it a good meeting point for when you need to coordinate with visitors.

Overall

Assuming you’ve not brought a pram, then The Boozy Cow will tick all the boxes you’d expect. It’s a rock bar vibe with comfort eating ready to embrace you. You can have a cheese sauce injected into your food if you want.

I will return to this den of burger sin and indulge again. The last time I gobbled down my meaty calories before seeing a show at the Playhouse and I might just repeat that winning combo throughout the year.