Review: The Gruff Goat, A cafe and bistro on Teviot Place

The Gruff Goat is a strange beast. Located on Teviot Place, right next to the doctors and just across from Bristo Square and Potterrow, it presents itself as something of a chameleon.

From the outside, you might imagine it is a standard restaurant. When you walk in, you realise it definitely isn’t. It has the vibe of a cafe, yet the floor plan feels far too large for a simple coffee stop.

It is difficult to pin down exactly what this venue wants to be. It occupies a space that feels like a transit lounge for the university area, somewhere between a quick pitstop and a sit-down dinner venue.

A Menu That Spans Continents

The defining characteristic of The Gruff Goat is the sheer breadth of the offering. It is not just hot drinks and soft drinks; the bar is surprisingly well-stocked. You can order everything from a Cosmopolitan to a Negroni. They stock Monkey Shoulder whisky, a variety of rums, gins, shots, bourbons, brandies, tequilas, and vermouth.

I tried their signature cocktail, which I believe is the Gruff Goat. It is a dangerous, fruity drink made with Absolut Vodka, Chambord raspberry liqueur, champagne, and fresh raspberry. You cannot necessarily tell you are drinking alcohol, which is often the mark of a well-mixed, if perilous, drink.

The food menu is equally expansive, offering everything from full Scottish breakfasts (including a “Gruff Goat” version with Cumberland sausage) to DIY omelettes.

However, if you are visiting, I specifically recommend the egg shakshouka. It is hands down the best thing on the menu – a rich mixture of Middle Eastern spiced tomato, onions, peppers, and loads of feta cheese, served with two poached eggs. It costs around £11.95 and feels like a proper meal compared to the lighter cafe bites.

Dining With My Biggest Fan

The service at The Gruff Goat is generally attentive, though it can be inconsistent. On one occasion, I had to signal quite aggressively that I had finished eating and was ready for the bill. To their credit, once the signal was received, there was no faffing around; the bill and the card machine arrived promptly.

The atmosphere, however, provided the highlight of the year’s comedy. I was seated at a table for two, but my dinner date was unusual: a large industrial heating fan placed on the chair opposite me.

The staff did offer to move it or turn it off, but I didn’t want to be the guy who froze the entire restaurant. So, I sat there, making polite conversation with the heater. It was a bizarre experience, but at least I can say I’ve finally had dinner with my biggest fan. Boom, boom.

Things to do in the Old Town

Teviot Place is perfectly situated for exploring the historic university district of Edinburgh. You are only minutes away from the National Museum of Scotland on Chambers Street, where you can spend hours exploring for free.

For those visiting the city, accommodation in this area is plentiful. You can find competitive rates on rooms via Booking.com, which often has options ranging from hostels to apartments in the Quartermile. If you are looking for budget-friendly chains, Britannia Hotels often have availability in the wider city area.

If you are travelling to Edinburgh for a show or a day out, the venue is a short walk from Waverley Station. You can check times and book tickets in advance using The Trainline.

Overall

If you are in the Teviot Place area with a group of picky friends who cannot agree on what to eat, The Gruff Goat is a tactical choice. The menu is so wide that you will find something for everyone. It is a strange beast, and while I am not going to rave about the atmosphere, the egg Shakshouka is worth a try. Just hope you don’t get seated next to the heating equipment.