Review: Ruby Carr – eBae, Fringe 2024

How eBay, a five-star show and a ride on sex toy made my Fringe.

Before I begin in earnest, this review contains spoilers

Last Monday my pal Kirstie phoned me, PHONED ME, with no warning text or prearranged call time. What is this the 90s? My heart was beating. I thought, it must be an emergency situation since she’s PHONED WITHOUT WARNING – but no… she said, “OMG I’ve just been to this fantastic show and guess what? THERE’S A RUBY GLOW IN IT!” For those of you who don’t know, and there might be one or two, Ruby Glow is a product I invented.

What the hell is my Ruby doing in a show about eBay…?

Let me just also say, my pal Kirstie isn’t one for the drama so if she starts a sentence with OMG, you KNOW she’s serious. After reading up on the show I discovered that Ruby has ADHD and a HUGE drive to become a brand ambassador for eBay. Of course, I bought tickets right away.
Armed with my tix, my pal Fan, (Kirstie was busy) and an Aperol Spritz, we rocked on up to the Wee Coo at the Underbelly feeling hot as shit and very excited!

Big up Kaz the lovely friendly security guard who said we could be pals with his mum! 😀 haha you raised a good un Mrs Kaz.

Anyhoo sitting in the smallish black theatre, Ruby Carr was BANG ON TIME even though there were murmurs of her being a bit late from the door staff…

She blasted onto the stage with the energy of a rollercoaster with no seatbelt that might derail and take off at any second but manages to whip you round the corner in a surprise new direction. Just like Ruby’s show, the turns might come fast and seem completely incongruous but HOLD ON TIGHT, the tracks do all join up!

Everything is about Ruby’s love affair with eBay and her desire to be their brand ambassador. The only thing in her way is that Love Island currently holds that post.

We now deep dive into selling and buying on eBay and the wonders there. Ruby does this with the help of a PowerPoint Presentation and there are actual Venn diagrams for all the nerds, and to be honest, we’re ALL nerds at this show.

We delve into the darker more secretive places of eBay, like Haunted eBay where you can bid for teddies that are the home to passed spirits each with their own unique backstory. And because Ruby can’t resist an auction, we are introduced to Robert, a deceased 45-year-old roofer who now inhabits a Jigglypuff, which Ruby points out is ironic since Jigglypuffs are immune to ghosts…

And so we go on and I’m absolutely riveted. The whole place is. Ruby, as her recent work appraisal pointed out is, ‘insufferably delightful’ and has us all hanging on her every hilarious word and flamboyant gesture. Another review said she was like a teacher trying to control an unruly primary school class where she’s both the teacher and the pupils.

And then…

One of the things that Ruby obsesses over is eBay’s huge selection of unwanted gifts still in the wrapping. A cornucopia of lucky bags at your vey fingertips only a click away!

And what is actually MY favourite thing in the whole world? You’ve guessed it – a lucky bag! To the extent that when my fella proposed, he put the ring in an actual lucky bag! I’ll never say no to a lucky bag. If you’ve gone to the effort of giving me a lucky bag, I’ll never say no to you either. Ever.

Well, turns out Ruby’s the same because she bid on three lots of unwanted Christmas gifts from one seller – the wife of a couple who’d split up on Christmas Day. The scorned woman had put all the bloody presents on eBay’s unwanted gift extravaganza on Boxing Day with a “Fuck him, all the gifts that I bought him and all the stuff that he got me is getting punted! He’s not even getting to open any of his, they’re all going straight on eBay!”

So… who bid for these mystery packages with the irresistible back story (WHAT TF happened on Christmas morning)?

Yes! Ruby! And guess what was in one of the packages?

I actually can’t even get over this.

A bunch of sex toys! And guess what one of them was? Only a flippin’ Ruby Glow! And because it’s called Ruby Glow and she’s called Ruby she did a whole PowerPoint thing about the actual ride on sex toy I invented and even played the Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby song. I mean… what are the chances?

I wished I’d been able to chat to her afterwards, what a show! I really wish Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby all the best.

Go to her show it’s fucking 5 stars. She’s astonishing, she’s hysterical, she’s full of energy. She wears a beardy man’s coat who never got the job he’d bought it for and keeps some of his nice beard in her pocket. She wears long dresses to conceal her long labia – we’re basically twins.

Anyway, thank you to Kirstie for alerting me to this brilliant one-woman show. Out of all the things you could have gone to you picked that!

Forget Love Island and eBae Ruby, they dini deserve you! You can be my brand ambassador any day.